Self-Worth

I have an email friend, Darla Isackson, who writes for Meridian Magazine. Her latest article was titled, Busting the “Performance Equals Worth” Myth. I printed it out and have been pondering over it for the past few days. I know the message was something I needed to read. The phrase “Performance Equals Worth" has been my belief for my entire life. I have always compared myself to people who I felt were more successful, more important, more spiritual, more righteous, more intelligent - subsequently judging myself as worthless. I have always joked that when it was my turn to come to earth I forgot to stand in the “hey get your talents here” line.


When I quit my job to go back to school I felt if I were educated people would feel differently about me. I would be important and accomplished. I finished school, I received my degree and it didn't make me feel any differently about myself. Yes, I accomplish my goal of a college education, but it didn’t change the way I feel about my self-worth. , In Darla’s article she writes, “Our work doesn’t give us meaning. It is the other way around; we give our work meaning: who we are is suffused into every bit of what we do every word we speak or write.”

I have spent my life trying to create my value in my performance. Striving for perfection in all I did. It has been exhausting because it’s never been achievable. I always fall short of perfect, so I deem myself a failure, worthless, and unlovable. I’ve believed that my worth would come from the applause I received from a job well done, recognition of a talent or task performed. If I were good at something then I would be loved. I have centered my focus on the outward performance – the part that could be seen and admired by the world.

I really like the comment, “Our work doesn’t give us meaning.” I think so often we get caught up with titles. Some of the most recognized people are not the most admirable people. I started to realize that being a respiratory therapist doesn’t define me. A respiratory therapist isn’t WHO I AM it is WHAT I DO. The way I treat and care for my patients IS who I am. I have never felt more in the service of God as I have since I became a respiratory therapist. I think of the scripture in Mosiah 2:17, “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God”. I now have a great understanding of that scripture, and I am grateful to perform such a service.

I work with extremely sick people who are many times at the end stage of their disease. I am often with them when they are suffering and scared, or when they take their last breath. Sometimes a patient simply needs conversation, a distraction, a calming word, or a tender touch of comfort. Such a simple gesture of caring can offer so much. I have begun to realize this part of my job is who I AM. This is where I give my work meaning. It’s ME - the person within that performs the “extra” caring and love.

In Darla’s article she refers to the book, Out of Solitude by Henri J.M. Nouwen. She paraphrases Nouwen by saying, “The most important thing we give others is not what we do but who we are – and if who we are is truly caring, that gift is priceless. He is telling us that our performance doesn’t create our worth because it is already there.”

Darla closes her article by saying, “Who we are as loving sons and daughters of God creates worth in our performance. What we do mirrors, and is an extension of who we are. All we have to give in the end is caring for the preciousness of each soul – not because of their performance, but because of who they are as sons and daughters of God. Performance does not equal worth.”

So no matter what I become in this life, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer, a singer, a mother a respiratory therapist……..I came to earth as a daughter of God. That in itself gives me worth